The Meaning of Life found
Bangkok (Thailand) - The unending human quest for sense has finally come to an end, after the Meaning of Life has been found, the Union for the Ultimate Understanding (UUU) announced yesterday.
This revelation came as a huge surprise to quite a number of respected scientists and philosophers, who at first received the news with a great deal of incredulity, speaking about the "intrinsic goedelian nature of knowledge". But it seems that after some material has been presented to them they were led to change their mind, lamenting this time about a "seismic epistemological crisis".
At last, we got it, declared UUU General Secretary Josef Calzrobo. It could be even more important then reading the Bible six times, or becoming a Pope. Of course, some cranks already have claimed to have found the Meaning of Life inside some dark, entheogenic substances, but what we unveiled is totally different. We solved humanity's deepest problem: why?
It turned out the Meaning of Life came along with a certain number of other answers, Calzrobo added. For one thing, we know now how Nature engineers free will and consciousness. Not to mention, the Riemann hypothesis is history now. But the most fascinating thing, in my opinion, is how we ended up with the Meaning of Life. Namely, the same manner that DNA mutations are, at a fundamental level, caused by shot noise, the idea emerged from quantum fluctuations of the memetic world accessible to human consciousness. In other words, randomness gave us the solution.
Strangely, this ultimate triumph marking the definite end of the most fabulous human adventure ever triggered an unprecedented wave of suicide among intellectuals.
Now that I know the meaning of life, what's the point? asked UUU President Walter Orshamayim before to kill himself with a shotgun.
A brief letter was found near the dead body of UUU member and neuroscientist Peter Uhlmann.
"I'm absolutely certain that this discovery delivered the most paroxystical feeling and set of emotions one will ever get during the whole history of humanity. From a Gidean point of view, staying one more day alive after this unequalable apex would have denoted a crual lack of taste." the letter said.
During the press conference, UUU spokesman Jeffrey Wiseman was quite recomforting.
You have nothing to worry about, Wiseman told the assembly of journalists. These suicidal tendancies affect only people who actually understand what's going on.
When asked whether the meaning of life is universal or there is one meaning for each individual, he answered "Don't try playing smart".
Finding the meaning of life was a mistake, confessed UUU co-founder John Doe. Looking for it was a great idea, but finding it, nah, it was definitively stupid. We fucked up. So what now? We're done here.
With its headquarter in Bangkok (Thailand), and research areas based in Bogota (Columbia), Goa (India), Amsterdam (The Netherlands), and Tijuana (Mexico), the UUU essentially relies on private fundings to finance its activities.